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Saturday, May 29 

Perfection in one quote.

"When I first saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I first met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I first kissed you I was afraid to love you. But now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you."

Ahhhh...


Just a little survey

If I could ask for 2 minutes of your time- that would be beautiful.

I am curious as to how many people read this blog of mine and who you are. SO, if you would be so kind as to send me a little email to meganepratt@hotmail.com and just let me know who you are- that would be fantastic!

Merci muchly!


Oops- my bad.

So apparently my fish died because goldfish aren't meant to be in fish bowls. Well no one told me that when I got them.

Sorry little fishies.


Friday, May 28 

no'ga

yo'ga
n.

1. also Yoga A Hindu discipline aimed at training the consciousness for a state of perfect spiritual insight and tranquility.
2. A system of exercises practiced as part of this discipline to promote control of the body and mind.


No where in the definition of yoga does it tell you to wear the yoga pants 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

These pants are tight and really might just be too tight.

At the gas station the other day, I pull up and look over. There was a girl about my age bending over into her car with very very tight white yoga pants on. I saw too much.

Sure yoga pants are cool if you're doing yoga. General walking around in? This fad is almost like those horrible trucker hats. Oh I cringe thinking about those too...


Thursday, May 27 

Lack of respect.

Ok.

I don't understand the whole being drunk thing.

Tonite, I drove a friend home and well, he was drunk. Drunk to the point where he started talking in a random language, poking the window and wondering why it wasn't open, and repeating himself abut 4 times every time he said something. Pleasant. Really pleasant.

I don't like that. Please, if you have respect for me- don't act like an ass around me and embarrass yourself. I don't appreciate it and well, it's rude.

Maybe I need to be drunk in order to understand this whole fad with it. To me, it is a waste of time, money, effort, and pride. I take pride in the fact that I can go out somewhere and not have to be tanked in order to have a good time.

It is ok to not drink in excess while out. People still think you're cool- really.


Thanks but no.

I will never own another fish for as long as I live. And if I do in fact, there will be someone else helping me.

Another fish died tonite. I don't know what I do wrong. Really- I feed them, talk to them- I don't know what it is.

Imagine what I would be like as a mom...


I don't even know your middle name and you want me to do what?

Yiah right- next!

It never ceases to amaze me how open and blunt some men I have met are. Their mom must be proud...

Number 1.
No, you cannot touch them. Keep your goddamn hands to youself and don't think about that again.

Number 2.
Hotstuff? That is something you would call a pizza pocket- not a lady you're trying to pick up. Go back and try some more.

Number 3.
Sure it's flattering being checked out- but for the love of God, when you're making eye contact with me- look at my eyes. Yes, the ones on my head.

Number 4.
Just because everyone else is doing it does not mean I will. Group what? How many people in one bed? Am I giving off some sort of funky ora that only particular men are catching? I thought I was prim and proper- not ready to jump on the threesome bandwagon.

Number 5.
Revert back to numbers one through four and don't forget them. Yes, I am a girl. An attractive girl. Please don't misuse that. Treat me like a lady.


Wednesday, May 26 

Ok ladies. Let's talk.

For a while there, I could comfortably wear a small shirt. Like, size small. Sure it accentuated a couple areas but it was ok.

Then, as I matured, I needed to move up to the medium. Those were comfortable. My pants fit- not too snug, but snug enough that they were feminine.

I have recently moved into the large shirts for some selections. Ok. Large shirts at the Gap. They still look good, fit snug, but I don't look like I am a watermelon trying to fit into a Barbie outfit.

The past few visits to the mall, I have noticed more and more girls wearing clothes that are obviously too tight for them. Why do that to yourself? It is not flattering in any way, shape, or form. That's great that you have a large rack. All the more power to you attracting those boob-men out there. But see, there is a place and a time for that. Maybe the local meat-market on a Friday or Saturday night, but not at Chinook Centre.

Maybe I need to go out on a limb with my clothing. Are wool sweaters and golf shirts not cool anymore? Am I not hip? Maybe I need a fashion tip from the ladies who are obviously a size 12- NOT a size 2 like they think they are. Why fool yourself?

I am a very happy size 10. I believe the clothes I wear are decent enough that I have the occasional window-shopper, and classy enough that I can impress the VP at work.

Man- this is kinda bitchy. Oops. Meh.


Tuesday, May 25 

What a bunch of hard-copy-non-readers...

Ok so because not all of you READ the Calgary Herald, here is my letter to the editor.

Flames girls fight for their right to party

It is sad that in this day and age, women feel they need to celebrate by taking off their shirts. Is there no modesty anymore? I don't care if these girls are drunk, excited, or warm - keep your shirts on!

I have many friends who have told me of ladies baring their breasts and other parts. Naomi Lakritz made some fantastic remarks about these "spoiled-brat party girls." I do not wish to run around exposing my body because a sports team won. I am more embarrassed than anything to see and hear of these girls. Isn't it time to grow up and act modest?

Megan Pratt
Calgary


Monday, May 24 

Which clown to vote for.

So apparently there is a federal election coming up on the glorious day of June 28. Ah yes.

Until then, we, the humble and very naive citizens of Canada, will be subject to the political propaganda and lies these plat formers are dishing out. And already it has begun.

While watching the evening news tonite it showed the three main candidates and their effort to captivate the viewers. Mr. Paul Martin gave his speech about how he is not going to promise lowering taxes but that he was going to make sure everyone knew what he has done for Canada already. Uh.. Paul, could you let me know what ya did? Maybe I missed that article in Macleans. I know you have been blamed for an awful lot. If you want to set things straight- you could give me a call and we can talk about it. No problem really...

Stephen Harper- dude- I can't. I just can't. No matter what you offer. Take away gas taxes, gst, all taxes- everywhere! I still can't vote for you. It just isn't working. Dude, you just aren't getting my vote. Maybe it is because whenever you get up on your milk crates you do nothing but insult the Liberals. Ok ok, so they haven't been THE BEST, but what have you produced? Eh?

And the other guy- he is SO well known I can't even remember his name. Oh- Jack Layton. Pleasant. While he was standing on his milk crates today he pointed over to his Chinese wife who he said was going to be a huge help in this race- he was using her to attract the Chinese population. Um. Rrrrrright. Use your wife for your political gains. Hope your wife knows she is being used because of her culture.

This election is going to be fierce I think. From the bashing amongst parties- I do believe we should just get a mud pit or a big ass wrestling ring, throw these three dudes into it and just let em at it. Winner takes all.

I figure that just might be the best way to figure this out. Everyone knows that the next month is going to be nothing but lies, lies, lies, oh maybe a grain of truth, and more lies. Between the Liberals and the sponsorship scandal and Harper with, oh, I don't know what he has done but I don?t like the look on his face. And Layton? NDP? What?

I think this time around, the Green Party will get my vote. Oh- how about those Bloc Quebecois? I heard they were nice...


My stance on boobies.

If anyone was curious as to my personal opinion on the lovely ladies down on 17th Avenue flashing their bare essentials after the Flames have won a game, check out the letters to the editor page in Sundays Calgary Herald. Like literally, pick up the paper, go to the editorial page and look at it.

Yes, that's right. I'm famous. Want my autograph?


Sunday, May 23 

Why is it that the hot good guy always gets it in the end?

Tonite I saw Troy. For the past couple months I have been totally hyped about this movie for the primary reason being that Brad Pitt was in it. Brad has not been in a movie in ages- so I was pretty stoked to see his God-like body in action. And what sweet sweet action that was too... (hold on, cleaning up).

There were some lookers in this flick for sure. Orlando Bloom (plays a bit of a wuss actually- major turn off. He was hot hot hot until he opened his mouth and whined), Eric Bana (can you say buff? Ow ow!), and of course- Mr. Brad Pitt.

Oh baby the action scenes where Brad was kickin' some dudes ass were amazing. The scene where Brad was wearing nothing and the only thing hiding his 'essentials' was the damn camera guy and his narrow camera angle was even better! Oh Brad...

Anyways, in the end- (and if you don't know a thing about greek mythology and wars, etc- and if you DON'T want to know the end to this movie- don't read any further. Don't tell me I didn't warn ya...) Brad's character, Achilles, gets it. He gets it right in the heel by the damn wuss Orlando. What a joke. And that was it. Done. Bam. Brad dies. Hi???

If I could rewrite history and Brad was ACTUALLY this greek dude Achilles- he WOULD be ruler over the country- heck, over the world. He wouldn't die, he wouldn't fall in love with any other chick- he would be with me and we would live a happy life of living in Greece eating grapes and basking in the sun. What a sweet sweet life that would be. Maybe we can rewrite the ending...

{enter Megan- Goddess of Everything. Megan walks to Achilles and with a faint sigh} "Oh Achilles- take me now! Forget this Greek land. We can call a halt to this bloodshed and just make love for the rest of our lives on this Greek patio."

{Achilles grabs Megan Goddess of Everything in his arms with such an embrace it takes her breath away} "Oh Megan Goddess of Everything- there is nothing I desire more- let us go and eat grapes under the sun on this beautiful Greek patio which I have killed many innocent people for."

{Megan Goddess of Everything looks deep into Achilles eyes and offers a deep sigh of relief. Achilles throws down his sword and kisses Megan Goddess of Everything. Scene ends with sappy music playing and doves flying overhead of the Greek patio}

Now only if the screenwriters could see me now... now THAT would be an ending! I would see it again, and again and again...


Thursday, May 20 

Why I drive a blue car.

So I took a colour personality test. I don't know about some of these answers...

I chose the colour brown for my teddy bear- "You are a no-nonsense, practical person. You make sure that you are there when your friends need you, and like to solve their problems for them."
I don't know if I like to solve their problems FOR them, but I do enjoy helping out where I can.

I chose the colour red for my phone- "Loves to talk to friends - keeps in close contact with friends. You are very outgoing and have no problem saying what you think."
I like keeping in touch with my friends. I also like my buddies to keep in touch with ME. And I think most of you know, I have no problem saying what comes to my mind- almost a hindrence sometimes...

I chose the colour blue for my car (Alistair is blue)- "You are a very practical person. It's more important to you that the things you own are useful, rather than nice to look at."
I enjoy owning the random nic-knacky things too. If you saw my room- you would know what I mean.

I chose the colour red for my rose- "You are aggressive in business, but tend to take the backseat when it comes to your personal life. You are more comfortable talking about work than relationships."
It is true that I do enjoy talking about my work or school more than my personal life. I don't know why that is. Maybe deep down inside I think everyone else has a much more fun life than me or that they have better stories. Or maybe all of the above...

I chose the colour light green for a shirt- "Fashion is marketing vice that only the weak fall victim to. You like to rise above it all, dressing in a way that is your own unique style."
I definitely do have my own style (as most of you will know). I dress for me, not for anyone else. I do not follow trends, I make my own.

And I chose the colour maroonish red for my house- "Being a sensible person, you prefer to research any situation before taking action. You don't trust anyone's opinion but your own. You handle your money carefully and accumulate it in small, but secure, increments."
It is true. I know for the hockey pool we have at work, I asked about 5 or 6 different people what their advice was for the best picks. And- thank God I did that too- I am ahead in my hockey pool! As for the money, I don't handle that carefully- I do if you mean that I always pay my bills...

I don't know how right these are.


Wednesday, May 19 

My I.Q. is brighter than her hair colour.

That's right ladies and gentlemen. And that is what I said.

So I applied for a job with Bacardi Rum as a promotional specialist hitting up the hottest patios in Calgary for 6 weeks. Not a bad gig, meet some random people, make some extra money, and hang out on the patio. What is not fun about that?

Let me tell you.

I went for an informative session meeting and sat in a room with about 12 other ladies. Now, these ladies were about- oh- maybe pushing seventeen years of age. I walked into this room, knee high khaki skirt, black turtleneck and a pair of pumps. I was looking professional, these other girls were dressin' the part of being professional- just in a different type of profession as me. (Are ya pickin' up what I am puttin' down?)

Anyways, these girls talked about their most memorable experiences in a bar which included such scenes as "I was laid on a table in a bar", "I don't remember I was sooooo drunk- it must have been sooooooo good!", etc. My turn came around and I enlightened the ladies with my stories of working for the CFL being a hostess to the BC Lions and the Montreal Aloutettes. I think I beat them in that question period- see, my winning charm was the fact that I REMEMBERED MY EXPERIENCES.

I was surrounded with fake boobs, fake nails, fake hair- and caked on make-up. I was real. All real. 110% real. I was embarrassed for the ladies in this room obviously SO desperate for a job, they needed to show off their boobs for some money. There are easier ways to get money ladies.

So after an hour of listening to some really really tiring skanky stories, the question came up which obviously had the easiest answer. " Why do you want to work for Bacardi?"

Answers came up which were as simple-minded as "I want to get paid to hand out drinks to hot guys", "I want to be able to do practically nothing and get paid for it", "I'll show you my boobs if you give me a job!"

That was it. I had it. It was finally my turn and I wasn't going to be quiet.

"Quite frankly, I believe my iq is higher than all you ladies' put together. I have been embarrassed to sit in this room and listen to you talk about absolutely nothing. I do not want this job because I do believe I am better than this. Oh- and my boobs are real- and no, I am not showing you". And with that, I stood up and started walking towards the door.

"You're not going anywhere" - so says the instructor. "I want you to be the project manager for this 6-week operation". I just about fell over. The girls had a look of confusion and a look of disgust on their faces. This dude was just smiling at me- somewhere, I knew he was thinking the same thing as me.

It is sad that girls will be girls and will use that to their advantage. I am sickened. I am totally disgusted. These girls will show off their chests for a little money. I know I was raised better than that.


Monday, May 17 

Ok so...

Maybe I have hopped on the bandwagon. Ok so I have... officially.

Go Flames!!!


Sunday, May 16 

Egosurfing.

Tonite I went egosurfing.

I typed Google in my address bar and put my name in.

"Megan Pratt".

It took 0.34 seconds to come up with about 59,500 results for me. Well, not just me.

So I scrolled through the pages to see where my name came up. First which came up were my cover stories for the Calgary Real Estate News. Fun.

Continuing with my search, a Blog thing came up saying, "Megan Pratt, professional writer, and connoisseur of all things cool". Oh yah.

I just thought I would tell you that.


Wednesday, May 12 

Lifestyles of the young and fortunate.

My mom works in an elementary school with a variety of various backgrounds coming at her on a constant basis.

Over dinner she tells whoever is sitting around the table her about her day and about the students she assisted with. Some come from background of abuse; which she sees on their faces, some come from poverty -- which she witnesses at lunch, some come from refugee camps; whose stories are hosted in their eyes.

With each story my mom tells us, the more and more I want to meet these kids and just hug them. She tells us about these kids who were in refugee camps who witnessed more horrific events than anyone of us could imagine. I for one, could not even entertain the thought of watching my food being dropped from the sky in a wood crate. I could not imagine having to wake up in the middle of the night to run somewhere to hide from the 'bad guys'. I couldn't imagine not having the things I have today.

I take too much for granted. I always have food, a hot shower in the morning, clean clothes, friends and family. I don't live in a hostile environment, I can go to the store to buy food or clothes, I have a debit card which I exercise on a regular basis.

This world makes me sick. Not a day goes by where I don't wonder about how things got to be this bad. Constant violence whether it be in a different country or at my neighbour's house. Greed, selfishness, loathing, and backstabbing. It is in the papers, on the news, and in our conversations at the water coolers.

Where I work I see and hear of no poverty or people struggling. I see people who are WAY too wealthy for their own goods, and who complain about ONLY getting a $10,000 commission on a house they sold. I go from being in this type of enviroment for 9 hours a day to coming home and hearing my moms stories.

If I was in my mom's position of being surrounded with these kids whose faces light up at the thought of a hug, who get excited when they get a quarter to buy something at the school fair, and who don't complain about having nothing- I would be too overwhelmed for my own good. It would be a nice change of scenery from the other people who I deal with.

I am humbled by the thought of these kids smiles. These kids who have experienced so much more than we have- but can still live their lives with laughter and excitement of the next day.


Tuesday, May 11 

Was it a full service lube job?

Scenario.

I am walking downtown, minding my own business, checking out the cars and drivers as they pass. Usually when you see someone smile in his or her car when they are alone, it is because they heard something funny on the radio or are on their cell phone. It doesn't usually occur to me that they are being, *ahem*, pleasured.

Ladies and gentlemen, ok. I applaud your multi-talent while at the wheel, but for heavens sakes- at least get private windows. Yikes.

This scenario isn't that unusual actually. I have seen it a fair number of times while driving down the innocent streets of Calgary, or down the highway. But each time- I can't help but gawk. The willingness of people in the privacy of their cars astounds me because really- being in your car isn't that private.

Now imagine this scenario.

You are driving down a rather busy street when your five year old daughter says to you, "Why is that man hurting the lady and why don't they have clothes on". Perplexed, you look over to the SUV beside you and don't see anything. So you ask her where she saw this. Then the daughter replies, "On the tv in his truck". You pull just behind the SUV only to find that the man driving the vehicle was watching porn while driving. Then your daughter begins to ask questions you really aren't prepared to talk about. Could you imagine?

Sure having a dvd player in your $90,000 gas guzzling SUV is great and handy for long trips with your 5 kids. But really- driving around in broad daylight watching porn?

I hope you remember to put the proper dvd on when on those long trips. How would you explain that one?

I am all for freedom of whatever, but I really really don't want to see a passenger in a neighbouring vehicle wiping her face after the drivers "service". Save that for at home- or at least your garage.


Saturday, May 8 

I like letting my phone ring.

It doesn't happen often. Actually- my phone hardly ever rings. But when it does, it is quite enjoyable. Maybe it's the fact that when it rings, "Everybody wants to rule the world" by Tears for Fears starts up. Or maybe it is just the fact that someone actually calls me.

I also like drinking Pepsi from a can, not a bottle. If the tab on the top of the can is taken off before I finish my can though- the Pepsi tastes funny and I can't drink it anymore. It's just a thing.

I like pretending I drive a standard- even though Alistair is clearly an automatic. He has shown up a Corvette though- and we have won! Next time I buy a car, it will definitely be a standard. (Apparently I looked bored the other day while driving�)

I like pretending I know more than I do. I do know lots but those things aren�t going to get me accepted into Harvard or Carleton. I will guarantee you I will always put up a good fight- if I know a couple things about the subject, and even if I don�t- I will still try to kick your ass with some random points I make up. Be gentle on me.

I like the way I look first thing in the morning. The look when I have just blow-dried my hair, my makeup is fresh, and the lip-gloss still looks shiny.

I like being able to sing in the car and pretend like no one else is looking or caring. I like being able to pretend I am as good as Dido, or Madonna, or any other artist. I love the look I get when I make eye contact with someone beside me who has been watching me. I almost feel like I should stand up and take a bow. Maybe I should next time.

I like being able to write ridiculous little ditties like this and post it on a website where you can read it. That�s my favourite.


Calgary - Home To The Worlds Rarest Hippo.

Our city should be called something new. I mean- Calgary? No- how about "Crappyroads"?

Ok. So maybe that was a little uncreative and unoriginal but that's all I had.

Last night while driving with CJ, I made a reference to the city spending their $100 million dollar government gst cheque on tourist attraction improvements. I said this after I almost lost Alistair's shocks to a crater sized pothole on Elbow Drive. I believe I said, "maybe this city shouldn't spend $40 million on a new aquarium for the zoo but instead on fixing these roads". His reply- "but we need a place to exhibit the rare hippopotamus".

Yep. That's right. Thanks for coming out.

Out of $100 million the city is receiving, all that money is going towards various tourist attraction upgrades in Calgary. Um. Yah.

Traffic is a pain in the ass everyday because of this city's lack of planning (some call it 'urban sprawl', others call is 'bad city planning'. Whatever it is, our city is dumb spending money on these piddily things. Heritage Park? The Zoo? Neither are world class attractions therefore why spend money on these things when the money could be spent on fixing up some of these roads.

Our city is known for the Calgary Stampede- not for housing a rare hippo at the zoo. Maybe put some of the money towards subsidizing thost patrons who actually want to go to the Stampede but can't afford it. Ahhh- see I am making sense. Ha! City Council who?

I swear I do more damage to Alistair driving around the city than I do 4x4ing.


Monday, May 3 

So genius.

Quite frankly I think this is genius. I do recommend checking this essay out. No, you will not be bored. Yes, you will laugh your ass off.


My vanity.

So my mom boldly went where not many women would go� if they had a choice.

For the second time, voluntarily, mom has shaved off her hair for the bald look. The first time she did it, she was in a junior high school gym full of kids. She was all happy and crying and blah blah blah. Secretly- I was proud of her but I didn�t exactly know what for. I know this much- she had friends rolling their eyes at her wondering why she was doing it. I wouldn't call them friends if they questioned that. I would call them acquaintances.

Last Saturday mom shaved off her hair again. This time there were no tears or motivational speeches after the deal. It was in the centre court at Market Mall around random Saturday shoppers. Mom did this along with 7 other people. Her goal was to raise enough money to send someone to a Cancer Retreat called Tapestry (if you asked me to explain the whole Tapestry thing- I couldn�t tell you- but I am sure mom would be more than happy to explain it).

Her head looks like peach fuzz.

While watching her at the mall I couldn�t help but wonder about my own vanity. Would I do it? Probably not. Why not? Because I am that conceited that I couldn�t not have hair. If I could somehow raise $10,000, then I would do it. Until then- I will revel in my mothers glow.

Go mom.


Rather Floundering.

This starts off about me. It will probably end about me too.

I consider myself a simple person. I am not picky about my appearance in the morning. I have a shower, dry my hair, get dressed and apply some makeup- then off to work. I do my 9-5 job each day, come home, have dinner then go to bed. Then it happens all over again the next day. The only days I don�t work are Saturday and Sunday- but even then I feel like I should be working. I don�t feel productive enough.

Writing this it is between periods for game 6 of the Calgary vs. Detroit series 2 game. I have my moo-juice on one side of the laptop, a Purdys chocolate bunny with its ears missing on the other side. I had this genius idea. If I took 2 migrane Advil FIRST, then ate the chocolate, I figured I was in the clear in regards to getting a headache. I can feel one coming on. Back to the drawing board on that one.

I don�t actually think this post will have any relevant meaning to it. I just thought if I wrote something completely and totally random- ya�ll might think I am just off my rocker. THEN- I would surprise you with some super intellectually deep post about whatever, therefore regaining my title as �thought provoking poster�. Oh yah. I always have ulterior motives. Boo ya.

I have a haircut on Thursday. School all day Friday and Saturday and I believe I am signing papers to take over the world Sunday. I have a busy week ahead of me.

I told you this would end about me.