|
|
<$BlogRSDURL$> Archives
|
Thank you for the chain letters over the years. I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past five years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and wealthy.Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put Under God on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support the American troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub of ice. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will return the favor. If you DON'T send this post to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon. I know this will occur because it happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a cousin of a neighbor. Posted by Bella at 8:01 PM# 2 Comments: They need an everyone@everywhere.anyhting email. An email that sent a message to everyone everywhere. That'd be funny. By hey Singapore isn't that backward. By
|
