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In the event I die a snowy death this weekend. Friends and family, foes and everyone else,This weekend while snowboarding down a mountain covered in snow, I want you to know what I will be thinking as I head down a run at an ungodly speed: Fuck. Please know that in those few nanoseconds before I tumble into a snowball and crash into a tree, I will be thinking of what else I could have done in my life to make it better. And quite frankly, I think I have done pretty darn well for myself. Lots of friends (I have put a cheque in the mail for each of you paying you for your services over the years), family, foes (yes, even you) and everyone else- couldn't have made my life much better. My parents: You can have my car. Secretly I know Alistair would love to stay in the family. Word of caution though, he isn't big on running on empty- make sure the gas tank is always full. Oh, and wash him. He loves that. And since I have life insurance on my car, you don't have to pay a penny for the rest of the payments. Sweetness eh? Ben and Ian: Uh. You don't really like my music, my clothes don't fit you and my bedroom carpet is pink. Other than that, not sure what you would like so go hogwild in my room. Take what you would like. Oh, except my framed autographed lifesize poster of Josh Groban. I want to be buried with him. Friends: I know I am the envy of all my friends (acbullshithoo) with my mounds of music, books, pictures from times past, clothes, etc. So. Have a rummage sale- all the money will be put into a fund that goes to... adopting lab macaque monkeys from Thailand. These little buggers are so cute. As for what to do with my icy carcass, either leave it in the snow for the moose and wild chipmunks to eat, or bring it home and donate the organs to someone who just might need them. The chances of everything being intact is good seeing how I will most likely be buried in a pile of snow therefore freezing everything inside of me, preserving it. And hey, if I don't die this weekend, well... most excellent. I have a lot of work to do in the coming weeks and Christmas is just around the corner. Can't miss mom's haystack cookies or Santa's visit. I heard I have been a good girl this year. Posted by Bella at 11:04 PM# 0 Comments:
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