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Another glass of spilt content. For those of you who were around during the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Centers, you will know what sort of emotions were flowing days and weeks after. Minority nationalities were driving around with either a Canadian of American flag on their car, people were praising firefighters, paramedics and police. Basically, everyone was proud but sad at the same time.The newspapers had compassionate political cartoons (which, if you are a fan of editorials and political cartoons like me- you will know those are hard to come by) which by about October 11, had tapered off to a lighter note of the situation. Not to say that what happened is a joke, but we can�t cry about it forever. Then the Osama Bin Laden jokes started floating around, those are still kicking about actually. People started looking at a lighter side of the attacks. Eminem had Osama rapping in one of his music videos. I laughed... quite hard. It was hard not to. On a radio parody quiz segment last February, a rather well known local radio host, Gerry Forbes on CJAY 92, asked listeners why Muslims around the world traveled to Mecca. One of the options was that it was "just a way to build up some frequent flyer miles so you don't have to pay for the next time you want to ram an airplane in the stronghold of the western civilization". Ok so driving to work in the morning, no matter who you are, you are going to snicker. Not snicker in a bad way, but you are going to give a little smirk. Yes you will, because it's funny. After a listener chose that option as their answer, Forbes and a second announcer replied, "Absolutely right there" and "You nailed that one." Now a year now after those comments were made, a group called Muslims Against Terrorism, has come forward complaining and stating how unfair those comments were. A ruling read by the Canadian Broadcasting Standards Council stated, "The implication that all Muslims might travel to their holiest city in order to fund terrorist activities is outrageous". No. What is outrageous is the extreme view points suddenly the world has taken. Suddenly everything is personal. For God sake, I make fun of blondes everyday. Is there a group out there called, "Blondes against being made fun of"? Give your freakin head a shake. While 99.9% of the listener ship is laughing in their cars or at their desk, the other 0.01% is crying wolf. The same thing as Christians. Oh- suddenly because Christmas is a "religious" holiday saying Merry Christmas is wrong. Now, it is Happy Seasons or Happy Holidays. Where does this bulls**t end? Because quite frankly I am sick and tired of hearing of another person crying over their spilt milk. So called "Edgy" programming is everywhere. Hi- have you seen an episode of Saturday Night Live, Simpsons or any Hollywood movie lately? Gerry Forbes, you go. I am mentally giving you a high five. Posted by Bella at 8:39 PM# Sex in the Suburbs. Mmmmm sex.Ok so everyone does it. Even if it's with themselves. The trick is to do it good. Now, I'm no expert but I will admit, I have had my share of encounters. Not that... oh boy. Well... yah. List how many friends you can actually have a serious conversation with about sex. How come you aren't holding up a whole hand of fingers? What does this say about our culture if you can't talk to everyone about this subject? Seems to be that I am on some sort of Cosmopolitan kick lately but really- that is the root of all that is trashy. Each month there is a new Kama Sutra move (this month sounds hard- they gave it a 10 for degree of difficulty. That has gotta say something!), there is always about 5 pages where the Cosmo ladies interviewed the men and asked them for their favourite sexual things and there is always some sort of sex secret that Cosmo JUST unveiled and that they need to take credit for. Right. But for whatever reason, I eat these magazines up. I go to the local Safeway, pretend I am there to buy my usual weekly supply of lunch food and end up purchasing a Cosmo mag for $4.99US plus tax. Man they have me sucked in good. Anyways, back on topic. Sex. I bought a card not too long ago that says "Sex is like oxygen, you don't realize how bad you need it until you are missing it". How true. I am not trying to say that I can not live another day without the steaminess, but what I am saying is that the idea of being with someone is definitely a huge force to be reckoned with. And let's look at what we call "intimacy" too, because being with someone intimately, without the sex, is, I say, almost better than the act of sex itself. Being intimate with someone can be as simple as playing with each others fingers across a table, or throwing snowballs at each other in some remote school playground. It can also be as great as cooking together and watching Dave Matthews Band DVDs together. Being intimate with someone also means kissing and hugging and holding hands and well... you know.... under then sheets stuff. Then there's the bigger, more intimate stuff. You know, the stuff that happens when clothes start flying against the wall and sheets get mangled and hair gets that sexy "bed look". Count how many friends you can have a serious (i.e. no giggling) conversation with. Now count how many friends you have (even secretly) considered having sex with. Why is it that in our culture, the wrong list has you holding so many fingers being held up (no pun intended)? It's something to think about. Now excuse me while I go finish my Cosmo. Posted by Bella at 9:23 PM# Ahhh Valentines Day. Cursed bloody Valentines' Day. Hallmark's single most profitable day, is only a mere 2 weeks away. What do I say? Bah!Bah to the Cosmo mags that give a run down of what each gift REALLY means when you get one. It was funny, they rate what flowers mean "Gifts on a budget". Chocolates? "Boring and unoriginal". Fluffy critters? "Great, if you're five". What was left? Jewelry and trips. Well... maybe not this year. We are brought up hoping that we will have a Valentine, it goes as far back as grade school. Everyone waiting and hoping for that one special person (or many persons) who wants to be your special person for that day. It was always a great thing getting those little perforated cardboard school Valentines. I actually still have one from my grade 1 friend Joel. I think it said something like, "Peek-a-Boo, I love you!" It meant a lot to me in elementary, and somewhere in my mind, it still does. Although really, I am sure it was just the next Valentine picked at random out of the box. Sigh. Do men think of this day as a marketing gimmick for chocolate and flower stores? I am thinking so as it is almost 1 in every million men who actually stop to appreciate their special lady on that day. Not that they can't do it any other day but Valentines Day is... well... Valentines Day. Bottom line. Do I need a valentine this year? Of course I do. It makes me feel special. Maybe I can just sit at home and wait in hopeful breath that my prince in shining armor will walk through my door. Posted by Bella at 1:02 PM# Brrr... It is officially nipple stiffening cold outside.Boo. Posted by Bella at 9:14 AM# I hate it when they do that. My pet peeves change daily. It's almost like a regular routine- kind of like brushing my teeth or feeding my fish.1. Curly hair on the soap in the bathroom. Ok so I know its not mine as I don't have curly hair. Anywhere. And thats gross that it would stick on the soap like that. There is nothing worse than sharing the shower with 4 men. I highly recommend against it. 2. People who pick their nose when they are driving. I believe it is common knowlege that everyone does it, BUT not everyone does it in their car. If one must engage in drive by nose picking, I recommend very heavily tinted windows. Otherwise- leave it until you are in the comfort of your own home and in your locked bathroom. Then, and only then, it is ok. 3. Britney "Hit me one more Time" Spears. Will she ever go away? Thinking not and by the most recent music video of hers, I am thinking she is never ever going away. I think the only thing she hasn't dominated is the cover of the Playboy magazine. I hear her name and unfortunately, her music, and it makes me cringe. Almost the way spiders make me cringe. Almost thinking I should hit her for the final time. Maybe then she will disappear back into her Mickey Mouse singing days when no one really knew about her. The world would be so perfect then. (Ok except for her new song- TOXIC- because quite frankly- I LOVE singing to that song in the car). 4. Having the flu/cold/runny stuffy nose. Nothing worse than waking up and not knowing which way is up. Nothing worse than having a shower and because of the lack of energy in my body, falling over. Really, there should be a magic pill that relieves all pain in the body when I become sick. Sure there is Tylenol and Advil but is there the magic "FluAway" pill? Could be a good invention. Steve, get on it. 5. Smokers. FYI- the world is NOT your ashtray. I do not want to see your finished fag laying on the ground in a beautiful park or a street or on my sidewalk. I don't want it. It is a dirty sick habit and I want NO part in it. Therefore, put it out and chew some gum for god sake. I think thats it for now. Maybe. Wait 10 minutes- someone will do something that will make the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I will have more to vent about. Posted by Bella at 2:12 PM# Big Cars = Little... Ok Mr. H2, everyone knows about your small penis.Why do you think its such a big thing to drive in something that compensates for it? Because really, a suped up car or monster SUV won't compensate for it. Truth be known, it'll make you look like a tool. Right. So let's say, I drive some suped up vehicle. Like- suped up to the point where you wonder if it is actually a car. What really is the message I am trying to share to the world? Ok see- when I see chicks in those vehicles, I think, "wow- do they have lopsided boobs or something?" Maybe they are trying to make up for the fact that they have a funny looking clitoris (can I say that word on this?). Really. What is the message? When I attempt at showing off some of my personality onto my car, I put a new sticker on it. Stickers can say a lot about a person- especially if its on a car. On my car, I have a number of them. On my drivers side, side mirror- I have a sticker on it that says "GO ME". That sticker adds a little confidence to my passing of vehicles. On the ass-end of my car, my sticker says, "I love big dumps". In small writing it says, "Fernie, BC". Get it? Rrrright. Moving on. As a female driver, I am not turned on by the wheels you drive. It does not get my, ahem, engine roaring. It actually makes me laugh because then I know you really should be ordering those penis-pumps that they advertise in the back of the mens magazines. What kind of message are you trying to portray? Because really, myself, along with a huge majority of ladies (and men) think the same thing. My favorite one to date, a 2003 Ford F150, with rainbow flames on the side of it. Oooh baby hold me for that one. Really. Rainbow flames? Ha. Moral is: Don't supe up your car to be cool. It is your personality on wheels, just don't overcompensate your car with stuff you wish it (and you) had. Get it? Got it. Good. Posted by Bella at 4:04 PM# How many does it take? There was an old joke once, well, maybe its still new if you haven't heard it- "How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" So then the joke evolved into "How many Newfies does it take", "How many men does it take", blah blah blah.Sitting in traffic yesterday on my way home from work, there was a fender bender on one of the busiest overpasses in the city. So whatever- there was an ambulance there. Then there was a firetruck. Then another firetruck. Oh and of course we need to have the Hazardous materials truck there too. Oh can't forget the police car. Mix that in with a whole swack load of traffic and you have one big mess which actually became more of a mess when the rescue crews came. People, a slight tap on your bumper does not warrant a swarm of rescuers. Hi. Suck it up and move on. Reason number 567 why I hate Calgary drivers. Posted by Bella at 11:26 AM# |
