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And the award goes to... ME! Weeks, even months before the big day, the celebrities begin talking about what they are going to wear, the movies come back to the theatre if they went to dvd already, and Hollywood unveils their famous red carpet- again.The dresses are glamorous, the tuxes are the same, and each famous "star" attempts at outdoing each other- even if they really say "Oh, it is just so wonderful to be nominated with all these fantastic actors". Ahhh right. Modesty. The music is the same blahness, the props and background lighting haven't changed much in the 76 years Oscar has been around and well, nothing has actually changed. At the beginning of the show, we were treated to a riveting post-Academy Awards show hosted by none-other than Canada's own, Ben Mulroney. Now this guy is a class act. Whoever let him have a microphone should be fired and told never to show their face again. We get wrapped up in this pre-game show just to watch the glamour waltz down the red carpet, gleaming with their fake n' bake tan, over priced clothes, and dazzling jewelry. These are the actors who are paid millions upon millions of dollars to entertain us. Quite frankly I entertain myself better and I don�t need to be paid millions, although- it would help with my car loan payments. There is nothing worse than an actor getting up in front of a tremendous crowd of other industry members, weep because they have dreamed of this from when they started walking. They are not saving lives, they are not curing hunger in third world countries, they are making two-hour movies where they can pretend to be people they�re. So glad they can have dreams like that. My dream is to be successful. Not successful like I am going to win an astounding number of awards but successful like, I can come home, put my feet up and say, �Yah, I got a lot done at work today and it was great�. I have a real job. I get paid nicely to do my real job and don�t whine and complain if someone decides to download my work off the computer, which will result in a million dollars less on my paycheck. Ok maybe I am being harsh. Sure, when I was younger I wanted to be a ballet dancer, Prime Minister, or a famous something. But then I woke up and realized there is more to life than entertaining others. The hype and glamour of the Oscars, or the Billboard Awards, Grammy Awards, or even the Junos, is a type of hype I would enjoy if there was less of. These people, who host these shows, get gift baskets. Great, let�s give these overpaid entertainers more free stuff because really, they can�t afford it. I call bulls**t on that. I do enjoy seeing the dresses. I enjoy making fun of the girls with the bad hair and make-up, the sugar daddies with their cradle looking hoochie dates, and watching how these people cannot intelligently put together a complete sentence because they don�t have a script in front of them. These people are like you and me. Exactly like you and me. Although, most of the time, I feel we have more intellectual capabilities than them because I actually go to my job each day, get up at 6.32am, drive myself in rush hour, slog through my 8 or 9 hour day and come home, only to do it again the next day. I watch their movies, but not for a minute would I want to trade shoes with them. I enjoy my mundane �average� life. I have my own awards. Best merge in rush hour, best parking spot at work, best home-made sandwich at lunch� Posted by Bella at 10:28 PM# I'm not into SM. There's nothing more exciting then that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you meet someone special. That feeling when you get your first phone call, or your first flower. That feeling when you get when the car door is held open for you, or the restaurant chair is pulled out for you.The sweet feeling that a special person has entered your life can be seem heaven-sent to some, and like a lucky break to others. The term �soul-mates� comes up quite regularly in either online dating forums or in magazines. What does this mean, soul-mates? Are we born pre-destined to meet that one special person? Is there ever that one special other half? In a partner's recent Blog entry, his comments made me sit back and think to myself, is there actually someone out there who is meant to be my other half, or is this all just a farce? In my life, I have had boyfriends come and go. Some didn�t work out for me, some moved away, and some I just lost their numbers. When I was a young pup, I played with Barbies. I had a big Barbie house, lots of Barbie clothes, a pink Corvette, (which really was the coolest thing ever), a dog named Fluff, and Ken. Ahhh Ken. Ken and Barbie were together for as long as I could remember. They had children, friends like Midge and Skipper, and did the coolest things ever together. In my eyes, they were soul-mates. And then all that went to shit the other day while reading the daily American propaganda webpage, cnn.com. Apparently it's "Splitsville" for Barbie and Ken. What does this mean for me? The greatest anatomically incorrect soul-mate couple who ever lived were now parting ways. The rate of divorce is up. The number of single women is growing. The Sex in the City ladies are, I mean, *sniff*, were, the ladies who told us, "Soul-mates can kiss my derriere". They didn't need them. Why do I? What if I don't like the dude who's pre-destined to be my dude? What if he smokes or has some weird fetish with pinkie fingers? Although I do like to dream that there's someone for everyone, I can't help but wonder about those people who never meet that person; they kind of shoot the the soul-mate idea out of the sky by being so... you know... soul-mateless. I like having choice. I like being able to custom-order my man. Blue eyes, green eyes, brown hair, blonde hair, tall, athletic, intellectual, and good with dogs. Oh, and it doesn't hurt if he opens the door for me either. P.S. SM, as written in the title, means Soul-Mate you dirty punk. Posted by Bella at 12:45 PM# Go me. I was recently sent a forward at work which had the title "Being a Man is OK". The email was fun, funny, open, honest, but had one flaw. There was no number 1. Hm. Handy. So I can make it up but men might not enjoy what I write. Maybe I should leave it out.I am going to write some smart ass comments to go along with each smart ass comment some man made. I am going to prove that being a woman is OK. And if this seems like a male bashing editorial, really, shake your head. It�s not. I love men. Being a Man is OK 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. Maybe we wouldn�t have to fake if you men knew what the hell you were doing. 3. Your last name stays put. I can keep mine too. No biggie. 4. The garage is all yours. Ah. Unless I use it to store all my high school pictures and projects and elementary school clothes I can�t dare part with. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Well see, we like weddings. I know a lot of gals, (myself included), who dream of their big white day. Nothing wrong with that. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. Neither are we. Duh. Especially if he is super hot. Or not� or has a good personality� Ok but we also have morals. Ahem. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. I get the truth. And a discount. It�s called cleavage men. Try it. Er, or not. 8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. Ok quite frankly, if I spend $185 on a haircut, someone better notice god dammit. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. We do it for you. So either you suck it up and deal with the forest or not. 10. Same work ... more pay. Do you want to get me started on this? I make more then most men I know do. And I don�t even have a university degree. 11. Wrinkles add character. Wrinkles are great. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Neither do we. You �guys� just grab it in public. We don�t do that unless we are in a special club where we are dancing around a pole. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. But guys, we look DAMN SEXY! 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. Bah. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. Sometimes it works to get the job done. Not that I use it ALL the time� 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Neither do ours. And quite frankly, if we do have a pair of Monolos on we can�t walk in, I will blame it on you. Besides, if we didn�t have to look so damn hot so you would notice us, we would walk around in flip flops or barefeet. 17. One mood, ALL the damn time. Our change in moods come from you. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. We have a lot to talk about. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. But isn�t it right we bring our �emotional baggage� with us EVERYwhere we go? I think I heard that. 20. You can open all your own jars. I�m strong. I can. 21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Because its rare. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. Yah but ours is sexy and lacey. 23. If you are 35 and single, nobody notices. We can hide it well too. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Sorry- I have to drive. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Yah but we have to match the shoes with our outfits. Duh. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking ''He must be mad at me." Well yah. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. Ha. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. Oh but we do. Everyone needs to know fuchsia, lilac, salmon, etc. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Only blondes do that. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. We like to look decent. Wrinkle free. 32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. Ok mullets aren�t cool. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. Our hips are beautiful. Remember? Big is beautiful. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. Again. Resort to number� 25 and 16. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife. Ew. 36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 15 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes. Yah well we get the choice presents. The ones you will ACTUALLY use again. Yah. That takes thought therefore time. Argh. 37. The world is your urinal. Another gross one. Posted by Bella at 9:25 AM# The 5 Greatest Things. Good and Bad. 5 things I haven�t done and will never do.Eat a full out vegetarian meal. Nothing is worse than knowing everything on your plate, which you are eating, is healthy. Bluch! Throw some meat on there. Heck, make a meal full of chocolate! Allow some punk kid working the local Shell station to pump my gas for me. No matter how freakin cold it is outside, I can do it myself thank you. It�s my car. I will pump my own gas. Wear high tops and leg warmers. Heard a rumor those were back in style. It�s an unfortunate style. Not considered a style actually- it is an accident. A freak occurrence. Buy a KIA. Have you seen what those things are made of? Yah that�s right, recycled tuna cans. Bad idea. Ask anyone what they REALLY think of me. Forget that! If I actually knew what people thought of me, I would have some issues. We�ll just leave it all as a secret. 5 things I�ve never done and plan to do. Drive a standard. Looks too complicated for me. Not saying that I can�t handle two things at once but man. One day� maybe for kicks, I will buy my next car as a Standard. Oohh. Risky. 3 men at once? I am going to leave it just like that. Ha. You can think about how to interpret that. Hee hee hee� Go to Italy. I want to eat pasta with the dudes who created the succulent dish. Mmm pasta. Mom, if you are reading this, could we have pasta tonite? Have a hot man serve me drinks with an umbrella in it. Just the thought of that makes me quiver at the knees. Maybe I should plan a trip. Get rid of my headaches once and for all. It will be an amazing task and I am not sure as to where to begin. I�ll get away from the drugs and just� wow. I have no idea how to even start with that. Any ideas? Heli-Skiing. Even the thought of it excites me. One day� oh. I guess I should learn how to board a little better eh? Posted by Bella at 4:21 PM# "And I would like to thank..." I have had a couple people ask me when I am going to write something new. I was quite taken back when I found out people actually read this. So- yay!What I am in right now though is a rut. If you have any ideas for what I should rant about, email me at meganepratt@hotmail.com and I will certainly get on some of those requests. Thought that might be kind of fun. Let me know and I will start writing! And by the way, thanks for reading. Posted by Bella at 9:27 PM# Bypassed again... Happy Valentines day... right.What a shit day. So back in elementary and junior high school, each valentines day, we would make a little envelope and put it on the front of our desk and the teacher would give us a couple minutes to give out our Valentines. There were always those students in the class who were "more popular" and therefore, would get all the Valentines. Those of us, nerds or teachers pets, who the other students didn't like so much, would get one. We, as in I, would get one from the teacher. The teacher always had to give every student one. It was their duty. So each Valentines, I would come home with, oh, one. It would kill me. Sounds really dumb but back in school, it was a huge thing. So yesterday at work, one of the guys who works there and has for the past 13 years, was handing out valentines. Now, this guy has downs syndrome and well... he is a great guy. Makes me laugh and is just a lot of fun. So he came into my office, put a valentine on my desk and walked into my boss' office to give her one too. I looked at it and thanked him, then realized the name on it- it was my co-workers name. So I told him this and he took it and put it on her desk and walked away. So needless to say, I wasn't going to wig out but then I thought back to school and how horrible it all was. This day, I swear to god, should be abolished. Does the fact my self-esteem goes down a couple notches on this day? Hm. I couldn't tell by reading this. Posted by Bella at 9:33 PM# Ah breasts... What would we do without them?As everyone knows, I am sure, a recent telecast of the NFL Halftime show last weekend displayed a beautiful shot of Janet Jacksons breast. The whole thing baby. Was it rigged? Who cares? Was it a mistake? Still don�t care. What I do care about is the fact that everyone and their dog seems to think it�s this huge intense thing. It�s not. Have you walked through the mall lately? Women are whipping out their boobs all over the place breastfeeding, junior high school girls in scantily clad clothing and the occasional kid running around naked. Some parents said it was an outrage the NFL had this on tv. Big whoop. I am sure if any kid went into their parents room, there would be SOME sort of pornographic material whether it be "How To Be A Better Lover" or the latest copy of Playboy. What is more the issue is that parents are embarrassed to see this on tv. Dad is probably over there thinking, �wow� and mom is thinking �those are nice- wonder where I can get me a pair of those�. Kids have every right in the world to know about what breasts are- they sucked on them for how many months/years?? They will be seeing them soon in sex-ed class. Why not see it on tv? Oh wait, that�s considered porn. What a screwed up system. We allow music videos with girls running around practically naked, we allow Britney Spears wear nothing and we�re ok with that. We have cultures in this world where women walk around without a shirt on, are we telling them to cover up because it�s not right? What is right? Is it what the marketing executives of these large entertainment companies tells us? Wow. It�s almost as if we are living in a dictatorship. It is unfortunate to see how the world reacts when a little nudity comes up in front of 89 million viewers. I hear parents complain and threaten to file lawsuits due to Janets boob. What is the point of that? If parents want to consider watching the NFL Super Bowl �family time�, they have more problems than anyone I know. If I could walk around naked I would. But it�s cold out so I won�t. Posted by Bella at 2:27 PM# Random thought... Don't knock the weather. Without it, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.- Author unknown. Posted by Bella at 12:00 PM# Top ten reasons why I rock. 10. I talk to myself in the car.It's usually loud and includes various types of four letter words and there might be the occasional fist flying in the air. But I still talk to myself... and thats ok. 9. I sing to myself in the car. Everyone sings to themselves in the mirror - but to do it with such style takes a pro - and that's me! 8. I can get ready in the morning in like 10 minutes. Ok maybe 15. I wake up at 7.05 am and am out of the house by 7.30 am at the latest. Ok- you do the math. 7. I am cute. Maybe not anymore but I have a couple cute baby picts. A lot of naked ones... 6. I can eat lots and lots of food and not get fat. Ok that's a lie. My pants are feeling a little tight right now. But I use to be able to do that. 5. I drive a Civic. Seen the commercial civic nation? Yah. Well it's cool. I drive one of those. Beat that! 4. I have sent myself back to school to take courses. And quite frankly if one more person asks me why the heck I am taking a "boring writing class" I might just clock them. Really kids - technical writing is fun! 3. I am a Scorpio. And aren't we the most intimidating, most powerful, most... bestest? 2. I can edit like no one's business. Watch out for me and my big bad pink pen! 1. Because. I think thats a good enough reason for me. Posted by Bella at 3:23 PM# |
