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Monday, May 30 

Who is Megan E. Pratt?

I was asked by a great friend of mine who I was. Well. Duh. I'm Megan Pratt. Well I don't think that was the answer he was looking for. Something a little more deep. A little more meaningful. Well crap. Don't have that answer either. But I do know what I want. Everyone knows what they want. But then the next comment was, "Get them if you want them" which is something a little harder to attain.

My wants:

I want to have enough money that I can live, securely. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not worry about which way to part my hair. I want to be able to live on my own, but not in a bachelor suite with potential spiders hiding out in it. I want to be able to come to work each day and enjoy my job so much that I can't wait to go back. I want to be able to be with a guy who won't move away on me.

I want to be able to drive my car and not worry about the noises I hear lurking. I want to be able to move to Rome and have some sort of a life for a year or so. I want to be able to go back to school full-time and not be scared out of my mind to do so. I want a pink iPod full of songs to keep me entertained on my walks with Tanu. I want to be able to get hugs from my dog like my mom does.

I want people to understand when I say something that I don't need a lectured or academic answer. I want compassion to occasionally come out of mouths that don't often give it. I want someone to have a eureka moment and crown me "Ruler of All".

But what I am:

I am the the tango dancer who has to lead all the time. The prize beauty wanting to unveil herself but too often just taken and jammed into a role, a costume made of someone's expectations. A placeholder in someone's elaborate fantasy, instead of a person.

I thirst for adventure, but not a lonely adventure. One with a companion to share in the thrills, the up sand the downs. Too often I've been treated AS the adventure. And that leads to nothing but downs without ups, and of course no thrills other than those she can give. It has to be draining.

I have simple desires, and it's mistaken for a general simplicity, I am underestimated but don't care. I have the work ethic of an ambitious soul but without the selfish ambition; a rare and wonderful personality.

I want to just be myself, and for my companion to just be himself. This hasn't been the case yet. I've been asked to be a mythical "ideal someone else" for everyone I've been with, while everyone I've been with has spent most of their time dissatisfied with who they are, and off chasing an identity that can't be found, but must be felt.

And that my friends, is who Megan is. Take it or leave it.


A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.

Let's say you have a case of the Monday's. Well. I have just the cure - check out my tuneage - and be guaranteed a day of bliss.

In order to enjoy this bliss, you must have iTunes installed on your comp.


Friday, May 27 

You can tune a guitar but you can't tune a fish.

Moo wa ha ha ha.

And that my fine feathered friends is my Friday afternoon insight.


Thursday, May 26 

My love can be bought.

Seriously, if you bought me this, I would love you. Like seriously.

No, seriously.


Well, she beats Ronald McDonald in a Chippendales's outfit.

Also on the Calgary Herald Q.

A barely legal girl (Ms. Paris Hilton) has managed to make more bucks with the least amount of talent. With her fame starting from an amateur video with her ex, it has snowballed into this year's (and probably last year's) biggest ditzy blonde moment.

For whatever reason, she has become a household name. I personally don't get it - but then maybe I'm jealous of her stick thin body, hottest runway clothes, oodles of money, and ability to make most men weak at the knees. Hrm... or not.

Running with her catchy phrase - "That's Hot", her latest stint with an American hamburger chain, Carl's Jr. ran with that thought in mind and created a boring but sexy commercial. In case you haven't taken the time to Google the ad, the 30 second clip revolves around her washing a car seductively in a barely-there swimsuit set to the tune of "I Love Paris in the Springtime", and then taking a gargantuan bite out of this burger fit for a monster.

How this ad relates to literally hopping in my car and making my way to the restaurant chain and eating a bit greasy burger I have yet to figure out. What is has done though, is draw enough attention to this food chain that I am sure they can't keep their burgers hot enough.

What I am intrigued with though, is the critic's ability to make a mountain of a molehill, a horrible outfit into this year's hottest dress, a saying into something that is uttered by so many people, and many other things.

So the ad is a little risqu�, who cares. So are most of the ads seen on TV and not to mention most of the shows on primetime TV. This is just another marketing ploy obviously gone right. It doesn't need to be shows on TV to create hype for the new six dollar burger. It already has.

The critics themselves have done a fabulous job marketing the burger. Heck. I want one. It looks, hot.


Wednesday, May 25 

What do you do...

... when someone treats you like you're this small?
Squash them like a bug.

... when you can't stop eating at your desk?
Chew bubblegum.

... get lonely?
Listen to Dave Matthews Band and buy yourself flowers.

... when you only have $20 until payday?
Spend it.


Monday, May 23 

The other lane always moves faster until you move into it.

Ain't that the truth.

Goddamn May long weekend traffic. Thank God everyone and their dogs (literally - ha!) was going 140 km/h through the 90 zone.

For this glorious snowfree long weekend, I went on over to Celista, BC to catch up on some much needed R n' R. Headed out on Friday night after the Green Day concert, (which by the way was the mostest wickedest show I have ever seen!!), so left the city around 12ish and drove to Revelstoke where I camped out in my car in the backyard of our house there and slept. Uh oh - no house keys. Mmmm sleeping in the car. Woke up, looked around very confused like - remembered I had to pee - busted it to the bushes and hopped back in the car for another exciting 2 hour drive to the final destination. Got to the destination and was blown away by the smell of money. MMmm money.

Money money everywhere. Alberta money that is. Set up tent on the deck of one of the most beautiful summer houses, erm, mansions I have ever seen. Went to the top deck, got comfy cozy and slept in a chair in the sun. Mmmm burnt Megan. So, basically this weekend consisted of absolutely nothing and I fucking love that. Drove back today and thankfully made it in one piece. Thank you Alistair!

I need more weekends like that. Just bust out with a tent and sleeping bag and set up shop wherever it feels right. Doesn't help to have a shower close by. Oh... and a fireplace with some comfy chairs in front of it. Oh - and how about a Timmy Ho's...


Thursday, May 19 

Port-o-Podi truck = 1 , Alistair = 0

You can read about my crack.


Thursday's tidbits.

The Queen is coming to Cowtown.
Mike is so excited, he's counting down.

Peter's heartbroken.
Screw him - I'm fucking stoked with my poster.

Long weekend Baby.
True that. On my way to Celisto. Know where it is? Neither do I. One thing I do know - I am missing the May Long Weekend snowfall. Saweet.

May is Masturbation month.
Well, according to these guys. Should be a good rest of the month.

Quotes of the day.
China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. - Charles de Gaulle
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition. - Woody Allen


Tuesday, May 17 

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. - John Stuart Mill

Also found on the Calgary Herald Q.

Oh Mike. How am I, as a citizen with a vote, expected to trust the Harper Herd when his own people are running out on him? Sure it's only one right now - but maybe there will be others in the days to come. How long will Peter McKay sleep with the enemy? (no pun intended)

Harper blames Ms. Stronach's "ambition". Maybe she was tired of being in a party where the leader was only out for himself and not actually looking for what is best for Canada.

Harpers obvious lust for power is putting a sour taste into some people's mouths. Now, doesn't that say something about this guy? His desire for power is frightening, not only to Canada but to his party members. Who is next to jump to "another sinking ship" as Mike Pal so aptly put it.

When I bring up the topic of the Liberal government, my dad stands a little straighter; he usually crosses his arms, and then pushes his glasses a little higher on his face. He puts his fighting words into place in his head and at that point - I know he is ready to rumble.

There is no secret in our household that we are split when it comes to political views. When election time comes around, I will have a Liberal sign on the front lawn where dad will put a Conservative sign - just in spite of me.

Come to think of it, most of the people I know look at me with a raised eyebrow when we talk politics. Sure, I understand I am a dying breed here in Western Canada. I am ok living with that.

Belinda is the face of a future Liberal leader in my opinion. Not only is she young and brave, but she is outspoken and intelligent and has verbalized her concerns with the Conservatives. Something I wish more people in her position would do.


Friday, May 13 

A quick trip to the Mouth of Truth could prove useful.

Also on the Calgary Herald Q website.

Before jumping to any conclusions about the Liberal party, I am suggesting something rather unorthodox but it seemed to work for the Romans, so who's to say it won't work for us Canadians?

According to popular belief, the Mouth of Truth (Bocca della Verita) was a reliable test of honesty for the Romans during the middle ages. Formerly a lowly manhole cover, it became an honesty test of the word of whoever put their hand into the mouth. Said person would place their hand in the mouth and be asked the question. If that person was lying, their hand would be mysteriously whacked off. Of course, this would happen with the help of a person (commonly a Priest) standing behind the statue with a blade or even a scorpion; or so the stories have us believe.

What is going on in the Conservative and Liberal party lately seems to be nothing more than lies and untruth. If the people we have elected to do a job that in theory shouldn't be a difficult one to do, and who can't keep their word - then really how can anyone believe a word uttered?

Simple. The Mouth of Truth.

So it means a quick trip to the atrium of Chiesa di (Church of) S.Maria in Cosmedin in Rome, Italy. Those darn MP's can put their hand into the Mouth and voila- case solved. John Gomery should be praising the idea. It would save him some time and runaround excuses as to who has or had or might have played with the sponsor money.

Trip sound like a waste of money? Well I am sure I can think of something that the sponsorship money or even the funds spent on the gun registry should have gone to - but no one seemed to question that at the time.

Ok so maybe not everyone believes in this little fable of the ancient Romans. But to be quite honest with you, I am not really sure how else we can test their honesty. Besides, you'd know not to trust any one-handed politicians.


Wednesday, May 11 

Warning: Next punk who slam dances me is eating a fist full of knuckles.

Also found on the Calgary Herald Q website.

I love concerts. Seeing a band live after totally grooving to their tunes in the car is nothing more than awesome. Seeing the way the band meshes together all at once, on a stage with tons of screaming fans - nothing can beat that. But; call me an old lady, a stick in the mud or whatever, but seriously - what is the fun with jumping into people (aka. moshing) at concerts?

On Sunday night, I attended the Snow Patrol concert and came home with bruised toes, the raunchy feeling of a random chicks boobs pressed against my back, and a stiletto heal imprinted on my shin. All I wanted was to be up close and personal with the rockers - what I didn't want was what I got.

For whatever reason, the people in the front couple of rows thought it would be a fantastic idea to start jumping into people. Now, not everyone I saw was into this. I for one was not. But, how do you get out of that sort of crowd? Simple. Give up your front row space.

Hardly freaking likely.

I'm sure someone somewhere is shaking their head at me saying "then that's her fault for not moving to another place where there are no moshers". Well my fine feathered friend, I have as much right as anyone else does to stand in the first row or two at the concert. I have just as much of a right not to get slammed into by some punk who get a high by faster played chords on a guitar or a quicker beat on a drum.

I have floor tickets for the upcoming Green Day concert at the Saddledome but am almost hesitant as to whether or not I want to check out the show from the floor. Maybe seats along the bowl will be less painful.


Sunday, May 8 

It's more fun being a redhead.

Apparently so say the rumors.

I went all out on a limb the other day at the mercy of my hair stylist Joanne. She said to me, "What is your vision?" I said, "Um. How about this?" And just like that... my hair was like way shorter, and even a few hours later - it was about 3 shades of red with some black in it.

Now seriously, explaining it like that does not do it justice. However - in person it farkin' kicks ass. Anyways, I figure 2 or 3 days, I'll wig out at the colour. But for now I feel like a rockstar.


Saturday, May 7 

Happy Moms Day, Mom.

This one is for you.


Tuesday, May 3 

Cardigans on Martin, Harping on Harper, and Poppies.

Also found on the Calgary Herald website.

In a recent poll taken, more than 94 per cent of those surveyed agreed that Stephen Harper would be a frightening choice for Stampede Queen. In another poll taken, more than 87 per cent believe that Paul Martin would look good in a cashmere cardigan (the kind that Mr. Rogers would be seen wearing). In yet another poll, 100 per cent said they were tired of our country not being governed the way it was promised to be run in last election.

Surprising results. What would be even more surprising is if that were an actual poll and people actually voted like that.

I think one thing that we can all agree on, though, is how tired we are of the way our country is being run. Not a day goes by when the Conservatives and the Liberals aren't on our TVs talking trash about each other. It's on the Internet, in magazines and newspapers and radio shows. It is pretty much the only thing that Canadians have news on as, of late. And, for me, it's getting a little tiring.

While listening to Rex Murphy on CBC radio on Sunday afternoon, one thing became clear. Canadians are just tired of what is going on. We want to get back to our lives when we only heard about the government when he went on international trips to Italy to check out a pizza joint. We are tired of the broken promises, and the money taken from us and put to God-knows-what, the lack of priority Canadians have been given on the agenda and the obvious lack of appropriate choices for our leader of this country.

The rest of the world must be laughing at us right now. Heck, I'm laughing at us.

But what tops the cake for me is Harper's latest scare tactics. I am completely shocked at his lack of respect for the veterans. By threatening to hold a snap vote while cabinet ministers are in the Netherlands to respect our vets at the 60th Anniversary of the liberation of Holland, shows nothing but disrespect.

Actually, what it shows is a bully; a bully who doesn't care about anything but himself and what are in his best intentions.

Pending election or not, show respect, Mr. Harper, and quit being political for a moment. Honour the vets. Your lack of respect is almost an act that would be comparable to not wearing a poppy on Remembrance Day.


Sunday, May 1 

The complicated Ms. Wilbanks.

Also found on the Calgary Herald website.

Most girls I know spent a lot of time contemplating who we wanted our Prince Charming would be. We dreamed of our wedding days and talked about how big we want the ceremony to be. We discussed the proposal, the ring, and the honeymoon. Of course though, these were just fantasies.

Jennifer Wilbanks left the comfort of her home, and fianc�e, only days before her dream wedding where she had 14 bridesmaids and 14 groomsmen ready to help her down the aisle; only to hop on a bus and make the frantic trek across a number of states. Sure, she made up a story about being kidnapped by some random kidnappers but in reality she just had cold feet. What is even more unfortunate, is that her cold feet are getting her into a little hot water.

While I am not saying that what Jennifer did is ok, but I am not saying that it is something soon-to-be-brides might not have thought of before. Sure, traveling cross country isn't really something that would seem to be the rational thing to do, but it might have been her way of dealing with it. Getting married is a huge thing. An even bigger thing is you aren't 110% positive that this is what you want to do. Hence one of the various reasons divorce rates are higher than 50%.

Jennifer definitely inconvenienced many people in this last minute run from the alter. However, it wasn't her who sent out the hoards of search parties to look for her. But, if these people are true friends, they will understand that once in a while, people get cold feet. It just so happens that Jennifer might have had a larger colder and more complicated case then others.


Ok - So call me an indecisive failure.

"What are your plans"?

Good question. So I decided that because I love my comfy cozy room (aka - the Guestroom) so much that maybe another year here wouldn't be that bad. Ok maybe it's just the whole financial future of me that I was only kinda thinking about. My new plan (and even my financial planner thinks it kicks ass) is that I am saving hardcore for a year - and then come this time next year I will have enough to place a down payment on a place of my own. And once I get that place, I will nicname it - Chez Megan. I like the ring to it.

It's kinda crazy how one minute one can be so absolutely sure about something, and then next, so completely wigged out about the consequences. But I guess that goes with a lot of things in life. Something called "growing up" maybe? Damn.